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Granny's Jokes
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The Blonde Joke |
A comedian is on stage in a bar telling jokes, and announces he is about to tell some blonde jokes. At this point, the handsome tall blond bartender -- the Troy Donahue type -- calls out, "Look. I'm blond. See the bouncer over there? He's blond. See the two
women at that table? They're blonde. So is the guy at the end of the bar. You sure you wanna tell blond jokes?
"Not if I gotta explain 'em five times," replies the comedian. |
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The Brunette Joke |
A brunette goes into the doctor's office.
"Doctor," she says, "everywhere I touch on my body it hurts so bad I can hardly stand it."
"That doesn't sound right," says the doctor.
"Look," she says, takes her right index finger and pokes herself in the left arm. "Oowwwww." She pokes herself again on the leg. "Oowwwww." "See? It hurts everywhere."
"Ma'am, what's your real hair color?" asks the doctor.
"Well, actually I'm a blonde," she replies.
"Ma'am," says the doctor, "your finger's broken." |
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The Redhead Joke |
A blonde hears that redheads have more fun, so decides to dye her hair red, and, of course, have it curled. She's driving her little BMW Z3 through the countryside and comes to a flock of sheep. She watches the sheep and thinks they are so cute.
She goes to the sheepherder and asks,
"If I can guess exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, can I have one?"
"Uh, sure," says the sheepherder.
"You have one thousand, six hundred and thirty-one," she says.
"Why, that's exactly right!" says the amazed sheepherder.
"Can I have my sheep?"
"Well, a deal's a deal," he says.
As she is walking back to her car with her prize, the sheepherder calls out,
"Ma'am, if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me back my sheepdog?" |
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The Cat Joke |
A guy is driving through a residential neighborhood and accidentally runs over and kills a cat. About to drive on, he thinks, "Why, that could be some little kid's cat. I had better stop and tell someone."
So he walks up to the nearest house and knocks on the door. A fragile little old lady answers. He says,
"Ma'am, I think I ran over your cat."
"Wait, what did it look like?" she asks in an old, quavering voice.
"Like this," he goes.
"No no no," she says. "What did it look like before you ran over it?"
"Like this!" |
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